Graduation Speech Rules 2009

Whoever is chosen to give a college graduation speech has the honor of getting 15 minutes to share something profound with thousands of people. I can imagine how daunting of a task it is to avoid disappointing the audience with 15 minutes of cliche, uninspiring words. Of course, there are basic guidelines:

1) Say something about the collective experience of the university graduates (for the graduates)
2) Say something about the value of the investment in that particular university (for the parents)
3) Say something about the need for graduates to stay connected with the university (for the endowment)

Because I attended multiple graduations for the class of 2009, I am entitled to comment on a 4th rule:

4) Say something exciting about the role of the graduating class in electing President Obama - something along the lines of "Yes we can, Yes we did" (for everyone who voted for Obama?)

And what about members of the audience who had not voted for Obama, because believe it or not, there are some! At Georgetown commencement, Gwen Eiffel advised that the best speeches are written with consideration of the audience. It became clear from the scope of her speech that by audience she meant those present who share her particular political affiliation. Addressing the entire class as the electors of the current president fails to speak on behalf of the entire audience, Gwen. Also abiding by this year's guideline #4, a student speaker at Brown congratulated the class of 2009 for a successful presidential election. While it may be safe to say that there are no conservative voters at Brown, it would be bold to assume that Obama was the unanimous vote. For those who don't understand that it is impossible to address a diverse crowd with specific political affiliations without also alienating members of that crowd, I would like to offer a revised guideline:

4) Say something celebratory about the universal success of the graduating class. (Shocking note to all speakers: Political successes, by definition, are not considered universal)